I painted this 6'x12' painting the end of last year. As with all my paintings, I came to this canvas with nothing at all going on in my mind - at least not on a conscious level. Once finished, however, I saw a powerful statement, a narrative really, which blew me away: That circle on the left is me! The smaller circle, way at the other end of the canvas, is our daughter! This daughter entered a Byzantine Catholic monastery in WA 2 years ago. The black square and small scale of the white circle are a reference to the humble, hidden life of monastics. In the bright colors surrounding "our daughter" in her new life I see a growing order, joy, and simplicity - all developing in the context of a life dedicated to God in contemplative prayer.
Back on the left you see me, my bright circle, but then there is all that chaos of passion (red), all those obstacles, along with what I take as a growing peace (blue), filling up the painting's middle section. Reading from left to right, I see myself moving from the tears and suffering (red) of releasing our daughter to God to eventually abiding in the trust and faith (blue) God is asking of me. It has taken me some time but I am finally learning to emotionally relinquish our daughter to the intense monastic life she has chosen, a life where she is happy and flourishing.
When I started painting in 2012, I knew I had stumbled onto something huge for me. The difference between my early years of painting and today is that I am now seeing a re-presentation in color of deeply personal truths which I had no idea even existed! Over and over again, through my bold, abstract artwork I keep running into astonishing thoughts and experiences, previoudly inaccessible to me on a conscious level, which turn out to reveal whole new insights about myself! This is not to say that other people are supposed to look at my work and find my story - not at all. We are supposed to look at abstract art with an unprejudiced eye and find our own responses.
In traditional Orthodox iconography, icons are spoken of as being written, not painted. I am beginning to apply the same idea to my paintings: Every time I paint whole new inner realities are revealing themselves to me. Instead of being random and spontaneous, my compositions are turning out to be intentional and meaningful! I am writing my story in color! O the wonder!
